After weeks of saving up my money, which meant not going out and not eating at work, I brought myself 2gigs of ram and a new hard drive, 1TB. I turned down all the invites to go out and did not have any Grey Goose Cosmos at work. Even now I'm not buying drinks from work, cost to much. I'm taking more control of myself.
I have to be out of here by the year mark, August. I'll admit it has really stressed me out. I've had more than a few sleepless nights. I'm just so grateful that I've been allow to stay in "The Pink Room". Just knowing I wasn't getting kicked out as long and I moved forward was/is such a boost to me to move forward and grow in many different way. I seek guides and approval from my friends that I normally would not seek. It has been a way for me to be a child again and learn what is right and wrong and a "normal" home. This is something I have desired and needed for so long. I wish I had more time. There is more I need to figure out but I don't have the time. Wait...I think I got here in October...which means nothing if I hear "you have 2 weeks". Even now I'm freaking out inside. I just want to make sure I have the money to start out right this time. Having a car would be great but...stress, pressure, fear. Wait! As long as I remember there is always an easy way out I can relax, some what. Ok, I'm going to relax and do my damndest...no, I'm going to have my license back before I have to go. I won't have time to make my $2000 goal but w/e.
My next set of goals is to get my license...the others get mixed up. I can live in a car and get other jobs and not depend on ecat or other people. I've been blessed by God to get the rides that I get.
Fusion. It would cut into my other job because of the bus situation.
Better off dead
I have been stressed for the last few months since the shifts have been cut at work. I could have had my license back by now if I did not have to pay storage.
I still don't care that I think about offing myself. If I get to the point that I'm going to hit rock bottom after all this work to better myself...Yes, I've already figured out how and where to do it.
Damn it, I did not realize I've been depressed after "the talk". It really hit me hard. I haven't thought of this as home, just to keep me from being comfortable. I knew I needed to have a car to make it work in the world. But I'm running out of time and patience with myself. Oh well, I'm going to live my life to the fullest, some what, and make my goals real or die. Its the whole go hard or go home attitude.
I've been somewhat avoiding them. I want to understand, be apart of, or have more knowledge of WOW. Once Diablo III come out, God I pray they play it also.
That's when I feel isolated. I don't understand the conversation. I'm also busy with my on and off learning, which I am growing in, which is a great thing.
She's gone downstairs...Cry
I'm so torn. Monday I see my therapist. I really looking forward to touch my mother issues. NOT!
Even though I'm doing better as a person. I'm only mortal. I realize...nothing. I'm going to do some yard work I need another form of release.